He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
