The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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