I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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