he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
3pm strippers are depressing
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
