very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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