Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
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Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
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It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
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