evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
