just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
All I want is dick and wine.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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