Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
