bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
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Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
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My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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