Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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