Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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