Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
