The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
