I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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