Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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