he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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