Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The Olympian is in my bed
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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