i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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