summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm at about main and main street
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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