They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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