Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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