Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
