i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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