I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
