We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
