Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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