My liver just broke up with me...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize