careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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