so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
