Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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