even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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