I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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