Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
