It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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