thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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