I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
