I think my fart just growled at me.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
