Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
