Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
