I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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