Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
