I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
