I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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