Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
