In America we eat man semen.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
