i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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