So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
