Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My vagina is officially offended.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize