Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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