Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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