The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
