the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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