I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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