addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
