I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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