How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
