I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
