Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
