I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
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Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
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Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.