I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.