This is evicking siegelnvs
This is fucking ridiculous*
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus