it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices