I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
