thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
