My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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