Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
