Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
