You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
