if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
