Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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