I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
