Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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