hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
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i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
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I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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