Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
