I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
