he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
