so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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